I’ve arrived at the stage of uncertainty and excessive apathy,
when compliments has nothing to do with felicity,
when I can think of a thousand reasons why,
yet none of them seem to make sense anymore,
when I look in the mirror and don’t mind my dark eyes,
or how much booze I took and what for.
I thought this will all pass,
like people in the streets, like buses and cars,
glance at them once then forget,
but I was wrong,
I’ve forgotten they’ll keep coming back,
because this is how they live and where they belong.
So I conclude that this monster have been living since I was born,
sitting somewhere inside me, in my heart,
patiently waiting for me to be torn.
It’s out now and untamed, connected to me with a leash,
telling me it’s a friend, and I believed.
I did what it told me to do,
indeed it soothed my pain but only for a minute or two,
I thought I played the game well,
turned out I was playing with myself.
Started out with a broken heart,
ended up with still, a broken heart.
This monstrous stage will never end, will never halt,
control it –that might do,
bet it will live on as long as I do, beside me and on my call
since this is how it lives and this is where it belongs.