It sounds ridiculous, and dangerous. But it could be that one helpful step toward productivity for you. The worse the relationship is, the better.
If you think you are too weak to get into any kind of relationship, then you are not weak; you are smart and scrupulous, but a coward. If you think you are strong enough take on any kind of relationship, then you are stupid. When it comes to relationships, it always go down to these two: the smart coward and the stupid muse. Which one are you?
See, relationships are intriguing, and burdensome. You can’t deny that. To be able to hold hands with someone you like while your heart hustles in your chest. To finally kiss those lips you’ve been substituting with cigarettes butts. To find someone to talk to about random things. To fight over what seemed like a matter of life and death when in all honesty, it was only because your opinions didn’t match. To feel jealous, envious, and selfish. All of these are parts of any relationship, and it’s perfectly normal. What’s not normal is, you, calculating your chances of winning and advantages instead of getting face-to-face with that asshole you love so much and taking a risk.
You wouldn’t know you’re in a negative relationship once you’re in it. You will only realize once it ends, when you’ve cried enough, gained or lost weight, drank yourself to death, and learned like a child learned not to play with fire, knew it’s harmful –like it was the last time you’ll ever love someone. You can remind yourself every day you wake not to love, not to fall, not to do anything foolish enough to hit rockbottom again. And every day, you tell that to yourself with so much fear you tremble. You recite that every day of your life, it makes your day gloomier. Which is clearly unhealthy. What’s worse than torturing yourself mentally?
But good things happen once you’ve finished that phase. If you try and give time for yourself, you’ll be more open-minded and smart about things. You will know your worth, and probably set your standards higher. You will learn this and that which you will find useful soon enough. You get to find the missing puzzles of your life and organize them. You get to know more about yourself, when you thought you had everything figured out. And that’s the best part.
If you haven’t been in a negative relationship, then you missed one big lesson in your life that could have probably saved you a thousand days that you spent meeting and dating different people inside and outside your circle of friends. If you’ve been through it and you’re reading this, then good job! You survived!
You know what they say –practice makes perfect. But I think love is the only thing that doesn’t apply to that. My point is, after all those shitty arguments, stolen kisses and wasted affection, it’s possible to love that much again or even more than that. The chances are so high you’ll be surprised when it happens.
I’m saying that getting yourself into a negative relationship is fine. Not nice, but fine.