“I dreamt of you drifting away. Away from me.
I asked you what you were up to, and you had the same features on your face when I ask you a question –a sad pair of eyes locked with mine, and a slight curl of the mouth that has various meanings. You answered me with grace and simplicity: those goddamn, irresistible eyes, and that goddamn, indistinguishable smirk.
Your hands that I tightly held onto slowly turned to ashes. You told me not to worry.
Tears streamed down my face. Whether they were warm or cool, I couldn’t tell anymore. My panic and the fading sight of you numbed me. The fact that you were deserting me numbed me even more. Stupefied, I watched until none of you was left. Until the wind disintegrated your ashes into thin air.
It hurt so much. Because I didn’t do anything to smother you. But what hurt most is because you were smiling, as if you were pleased by the act of leaving. You were enjoying your retreat.
It hurt so much. I don’t think I was crying anymore, –I was already dead.”
As if you were fresh water drifting your way through the cascade and into the stream, I couldn’t tell where you were going. You were blending in well with the beautiful disposition of nature. You camouflaged. You were transparent. I couldn’t find you. By then I was confused about how I felt; a mixed feeling of appreciation, hate, and loss. Should have I been entertained by nature as usual or should have I detested it for creating and taking you?